


makes us feel alive

by thebitterbeast



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Character Death Fix, ColdAtom Secret Santa 2016, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Past Character Death, but delving into Ray's pov is always fun for me, mentions of the rest of the Legends - Freeform, this is a little bit of a rambling mess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-29
Updated: 2016-12-29
Packaged: 2018-09-13 03:12:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9104185
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thebitterbeast/pseuds/thebitterbeast
Summary: Nobody quite knew how it happened. How Leonard Snart was standing in front of them. Nobody quite cared, either.It had happened, and he was alive.That was all that mattered to the team.-Prompt: Leonard Snart is alive, again. Raymond is delighted. Raymond is angry. Raymond wants to punch him. Or maybe kiss him. It's complicated.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Dubiousculturalartifact (222Ravens)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/222Ravens/gifts).



> This was a bit of a mess. I started with an end in mind, and it sort of took a detour along the way. But it's not horrible, and it seems to have made sense to people, so yay?
> 
> This was written for [](http://dubiousculturalartifact.tumblr.com/>dubiousculturalartifact</a>%20over%20on%20tumblr%20for%20the%20ColdAtom%20Secret%20Santa.)

Nobody quite knew how it happened. How Leonard Snart was standing in front of them. Nobody quite cared, either.

It had happened, and he was alive.

That was all that mattered to the team.

Mick had pulled Leonard into a tight hug, clutching at him tightly. Sara had gotten a hug in too, once Mick had pulled away far enough to give her room to wiggle into. Jax and Martin had both clapped his shoulder, grinning in relief. Even Rip was close enough to beaming at the thief he generally seemed to be so exasperated with.

Ray was hovering behind the team after clasping Leonard’s arm, torn between the same feeling of relief coursing through his teammates and a sense of not belonging in that moment, because of the mess of other confusing emotions coursing through him. He slipped away, not wanting his mood to spread to the others.

He thought no one would have noticed his silent exit, but missed the pair of eyes that tracked his movements. If Ray had been more aware of them, perhaps things would not have wound up going the way they did.

The lab was empty. Of course it was empty, everybody was crowded around Leonard, asking questions that Ray was admittedly interested in knowing the answers to. Martin, Ray knew, would want to perform tests eventually, and Ray made a mental note to clear out of the labs before that happened. Leonard would not be happy about that. Ray’s lips twitched at the thought. He could see it now, the older man’s reaction. The roll of his eyes, the curve of his lips as he threw some sarcastic remark, the way he would laze against whatever was handy, seemingly indifferent, and yet, anything but.

The thought alone amused Ray, warmed him in a way he could not explain. The fact that he could predict Leonard’s response made him aware of just how much time he had spent observing the thief prior to his – disappearance.

Ray had been aware that he had paid attention to Leonard before. It had left him feeling bereft when Leonard had sacrificed himself at the Oculus, constantly looking over his shoulder, waiting for a comment that never came.

On more than one occasion, Ray would stand feeling strangely empty, nails digging into his palms as he tried to ground himself once again.

The amusement fled in the face of the despondency he had grown familiar with. Ray wrapped his hands around the edge of the table, leaning forward and bending over as he tried to catch his breath. The abrupt change in his emotions left him reeling, struggling to keep his head afloat, to keep from spiraling down a path he had no right going down.

His grip on the table tightened, the edges biting into his skin, and he closed his eyes. He began to count slowly under his breath, taking in deep breaths with each count.

He had missed Leonard. He could admit that now. He had not allowed himself to think about it before, aware that the others on the team had not realized just how fond he had grown of the thief. Had not allowed himself to grieve, because what right did he have? He and Leonard were barely friends. Mick had lost his partner. Sara had lost a friend. Ray had lost –

The breath caught in his throat, and he struggled to get it out. Ray had **lost**. He squeezed his eyes shut, pushing the thought away firmly and focusing on restarting his count.

As glad as he was that Leonard was back, as relieved he was that the other man was alive, Ray realized that strange empty feeling had not disappeared. If anything, it had grown, leaving him feeling cold all over. He let out a snort at his thought, darkly amused at the fact that it reminded him of the self-styled supervillain.

Ray tried to shake the feeling away, clenching his hands around the edge of the table one last time before he let go and pushed away. He spun on his heels, grateful no one was around to see his little meltdown. He would not have been able to explain it, and while he knew they would not push, he did not feel like pretending everything was okay.

He was not okay, and he did not know how to keep acting like he was anymore.

It was a few short steps to the table he had left the ATOM suit on, and Ray flicked open the box. He handled the suit gingerly, setting it up so that he could work on it in its miniaturized state. Ray soon lost himself into the mechanics, strange feelings and confusion fading as he worked.

Leonard being back was a good thing, he reminded himself again when he was done, setting his tools down. He exhaled slowly, closing his eyes and working the kinks out of his neck. It was a good thing, because Leonard had not deserved what had happened to him. It was not supposed to have been Leonard at the Oculus.

“That looks like it hurts,” the voice startled Ray, and he jumped slightly, turning around to face the very man he had been thinking about. Leonard had his arms crossed, and his ankles as well, as he leaned against the doorframe. An eyebrow was raised before the thief pushed himself away from the wall and stalked – there was no other word for it – into the room. “Now why have you been hiding away in here? Not glad to see a dead teammate?”

The flash of anger was sudden and unexpected, and it left Ray floundering and unable to respond. Why was he so angry? Leonard being alive was a good thing. It **_was_**. So why was there a flush of irritation under his skin?

Leonard seemed to take his silence as confirmation that Ray was not happy to see him, and his lips twisted. “Well, who expected _this_ from the Boy Scout.” It was framed more like a statement than a question, and he seemed almost disappointed.

Ray finally found his words, that anger still bubbling under the surface. “You shouldn’t have died in the first place.” It was spat out, and he shook his head, turning away from the older man and searching for something, anything, on the table to focus on.

“Oh? Annoyed I took your _hero_ moment?”

Ray could practically **hear** the sneer in Leonard’s voice, and his fists clenched around the screwdriver he had picked up. His shoulders squared, tension radiating from him as he struggled to keep from saying something he would regret.

“Cat got your tongue, _Ray_ mond?”

It was the familiar way his name rolled off Leonard’s lips that did it for him. He spun around, screwdriver clattering to the floor but ignored in favour of Ray striding forward, glaring at the thief. “You weren’t supposed to die because there were people who would _mourn_ you, you bastard. The world already thought I was dead. What did it matter if this time it was for real?”

The thought had burned him for days after Leonard’s sacrifice. It was supposed to have been him. Ray had been ready for it to have been him. He had _wanted_ it, even. He was breathing heavily, even though he had not done or said much. The emotions were overwhelming, and he tried to push them back into the box he had stuffed them in, but it did not work. Not this time.

“Your sister, Mick, Sara, hell, Barry and the rest of Team Flash. We – _they_ mourned you.” Ray closed his eyes and took a deep breath to try and calm himself. “You weren’t supposed to die.”

_‘I was.’_

He missed the imperious look that crossed Leonard’s face. “And you were? Why? Because the Time Bastards said so?”

Ray’s eyes sprung open and he pressed his lips together into a line. The words he bit out were furious, “Because I’m already dead! I’m dead to the world, and it didn’t matter the first time. Why would the second be any different?”

He had not meant to say that much, but Ray could feel the anger seeping out of him and exhaustion, and that strange empty feeling taking its place. He took a few steps back. Or, he would have, if not for the hand wrapped around his wrist.

Leonard’s hold was tight, but surprisingly gentle. There was a look in his eyes that seemed familiar to Ray, that sparked that flush of irritation that seemed to always be under his skin when it concerned Leonard. Ray could not name it, and perhaps that was for the better.

“It was my choice, Ray.”

It was the use of his nickname that startled Ray, that had him staring, stunned, at the thief. That had pieces slipping into place. He had lost, when Leonard had died. Not a moment to prove himself like he knew the team thought, but someone he cared about.

Someone, Ray let himself acknowledge, that he had been slowly falling in love with.

He had walked out of the reunion with Leonard because he had been confronted with feelings he had been ignoring. Anger, at Leonard for sacrificing himself; upset with himself for never having said or done anything; relief that Leonard was alive.

And that strange empty feeling of loss, and knowing that he was wanting something he could never have.

His shoulders dropped, and Ray looked away. “I know.”

It did not mean he liked it. Ray missed the way Leonard took a step closer, missed the way he looked up at Ray, a soft expression on his face. “You said _we_. Did you **_miss_** me, Raymond?”

Ray huffed out a laugh, turning back to Leonard. He barely managed to contain the surprise at finding the older man so close. He thought about lying for a second before he discarded the idea. “Yeah. I did.”

Leonard seemed surprised, if pleased about the admission. He hummed, smirk crossing his lips as he moved closer. “Real _ly_. Well. _That_ changes things.”

A frown crossed Ray’s lips. “Changes what?” he asked a little warily.

If anything, the suspicion in his voice seemed to make Leonard’s smirk grow. Instead of responding, he tightened his grip on Ray’s wrist and tugged so that Ray stumbled forward. They were chest to chest, and Ray barely had to incline his head to close the gap between their faces.

He had dreams about this. Dreams he had blocked out because he had known – _thought_ – they would never happen. Yet, **_Leonard_** was the one closing the gap between their faces, pressing lips together. It started gentle, as though Leonard seemed to think Ray would spook and run.

**_Ray_** was the one to press into it, to deepen it, almost desperately once he had realized it was no dream. His free hand rested on Leonard’s waist, and as the kiss continued, his fingers dug into the older man’s side as he held on.

He did not know how it happened. How Leonard Snart was standing in front of him, kissing him like it was all he wanted to do. He did not care, either.

It had happened, and they were here.

That was all that mattered to Ray.

**Author's Note:**

> (Feel free to yell at me over on [tumblr](http://ankahikoibaat.tumblr.com/) about this pair, and the characters.)


End file.
